At Last, A Celebrity Weighs in On Zombie Voting

Every Friday, this blog will re-post a letter to the editor of the “Crest Top Chronicle” newspaper, to provide a platform for voices from the community concerning some of the real issues raised by the short film “Dead Votes Society.” This week: local celebrity DJ Don Murphy. 

  When I first heard about the latest culture war kerfuffle to bubble its way up into what passes for national conversation, I thought it had to be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. And I’ve actually listened to Mitt Romney’s early-90’s rap album (Latter Day Trippin’.) I mean, zombies? Really? First they made Wal-Mart smell even worse than it did before, and now we’re going to let them vote?

      But, thinking about it, I realized it might not be such a bad thing. It’s well known that zombies tend to vote Republican. (Vampires lean Democrat. Werewolves will vote for anybody who has bacon in their pocket.) Finally, people of color could find a home in the GOP. Of course, that color is a gangrenous blackish green, but still . . . progress.

      Is it a coincidence that they held the Republican National Convention in Florida, the face-eating capital of the world? This is, after all, the party of Abraham Lincoln who, as history has recently revealed, was a legendary vampire hunter, but who was strangely silent on the whole zombie issue.

In short, I say sure, let ‘em vote. Just so long as it keeps them out of the Wal-Mart. I’ve got to get down there to stock up on bottled water and cheap shotgun ammo.

DON MURPHY was once the top-rated nationally syndicated “shock jock” in the country, a man who Howard Stern once called “The Don.” He lost his job following the infamous “incident,” which there’s no need to recap in a family-friendly blog. Now he can be heard only on Crest Top’s own KCRT community radio, where he hosts the popular “Murphy in the Morning” drive-time show. The views expressed here are his alone and do not reflect those of the administrators of this blog or in fact of anyone, anywhere, ever.