Zombies are Real Americans

Every Friday, this blog will re-post a letter to the editor of the “Crest Top Chronicle” newspaper, to provide a platform for voices from the community concerning some of the real issues raised by the short film “Dead Votes Society.” This week: Representative Serena Paltry.


            I would like to suggest that the author of the Friday, Aug. 31, letter to the editor (so-called “celebrity” Don Murphy) read a certain document crafted by our founding fathers. I mean, what gives him the right to poke fun at people, be they alive or be they undead, for exorcising their God-given right to vote? That right was outlined almost a hundred years ago in the timeless US Constitution, right there in the Amendments. I’ll look it up and get back to you on which one.

            What Mr. Murphy and his liberal elite cohorts don’t seem to get is that the right to vote is inalienable. That means even aliens can’t take it away. These are the same lamestream media dunderheads who gave me such heat in the newspapers and magazines for endorsing Blaine Walpole to serve in Arizona’s 31st District, just because Blaine happens to be one of the walking dead. Well, let me tell you, Blaine is a true American, which is more than I can say for Don Murphy. I’ve never once seen him in public without his lapel flag pin, and every time he hears our sacred national anthem, he puts his hand on his heart. Right on his heart, in fact, because he’s got a big old hole in his chest. Not too many Americans can claim to be that patriotic.

            In fact, the rights of the undead to vote, and for folks like Blaine to hold public office are precisely the sorts of things our brave men and women in the military have fought and died to protect. To deny zombies these fundamental rights is a direct slap in the face of the troops. I don’t know about you, but I simply refuse to stand idolly by and allow our valiant soldiers to be smacked around like that.

            In closing, I’d just like to say that God is after all the one who chose in His Infinite Wisdom to bring the dead back to life- like a million hungry little Lazaruses. Who should we trust in these trying times, God or some pervy pothead DJ who pals around with known vampires? I trust my beautiful fellow Americans to make the right choice. You betcha I do.


      SERENA PALTRY represents Arizona’s 9th District in the United States House of Representatives. She is also the author of PALTRY SUNNY: A LIFE IN POLITICS, the star of her own reality series FRESH PALTRY and a frequent commentator on ARIZONA CABLE NEWS EXPRESS. Any resemblance to any living person who shares her initials is entirely coincidental. The views expressed here are hers alone and do not reflect those of the administrators of this blog or in fact of anyone, anywhere, ever.